From Baby to Toddler

I can’t even believe I am typing this . . . I HAVE A ONE YEAR OLD!

I have been anxiously dreading the day that my sweet little girl officially goes from being categorized from a baby to a (insert dramatic drum-roll please) TODDLER.

We celebrated Dove’s 1st birthday last week and it was such a precious time. Yet also such a surreal experience, because quite literally, I have no idea where the time went.

Last I remember I was holding my wrinkly tiny newborn, fresh from the hospital all swaddled sleeping snug in my arms. And now I have a movin’ and groovin’ toddler who is constantly getting in to anything and everything she can get her hands on.

This kiddo of mine is still the sweetest girl on the block, however, her personality has begun to blossom and grow. And this mama is getting a glimpse of the dramatic mini-me that she has created.

Oh my passionate Dove, it’s so fun to watch the world through your eyes. Having you has been the most immense blessing, as you have encouraged me to grow and mature in ways that I didn’t even realize I needed to.

Becoming a mom has been quite a journey. Raising this little one for the past year has been such a treat, and I have been incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with her and be there for each and every first that she has experienced. I know that I have soaked in all these moments, yet it still came as an utter shock to me to realize that no longer will I be calculating her age by months. Now people will ask how many years old she is, instead of how many months. And something about that realization was very bittersweet.

It’s so true that saying about how the days are long, but the years are short. Because I remember some of those beginning newborn days where I was wearing soaked through tank tops, had my hair matted in a messy bun and hadn’t slept in what felt like an eternity. Everything felt like a blur and I wondered in my zombie-like state if there would ever be a point in my life that I would sleep through the night again!

But now that I do get to sleep all the way through the night, I find myself missing those precious intimate middle of the night moments that just my girl and I got to share. I miss us being awake snuggling one another as the sun kissed the dark horizon and the birds began to wake up and pronounce their morning song.

On Dove’s birthday I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I convinced myself to see only the positives of the day, such as the huge miraculous fact that we got to celebrate a whole year of getting to love on our little Angel. But at our special birthday outing with Dove, while walking from the Oregon Zoo cougar exhibit to the otter exhibit (my favorite), I unintentionally broke my promise.

My emotional undoing was the result of people-watching the family of 3 that had begun walking in front of us. They had a little girl skipping along the trail in her sparkly pink rain boots, humming a tune while holding both of her parents hands. And instantaneously bittersweet tears filled my eyes and I gazed down at my giggling not-so-little-anymore 1 year old. And I lost it, because I realized that in the blink of an eye, I too, would be holding sweet Dove’s 3 year old hand. That before I knew it, my little one would not only be walking and talking. But she would be running, jumping, skipping, singing and evolving into a beautiful child. That soon enough my baby turned toddler would graduate from a toddler to a child. And it just wouldn’t stop, she would just keep growing and growing. Nor do I realistically ever want it to stop, I know that growing up is just a part of life and of course I am excited about what all stages Dove will go through. But in that moment, being the very emotional woman I was created to be, I found myself thinking about time. How much time I have left with the people I love. And in that instant all I could think about was the fact that now I only had 17 years left with my little girl before she became an adult and left the shelter of my home. Ah, I’m going to cry again!

It goes by fast. Faster than any of us realize in the heat of the moment.

So this year with Dove I am really going to try and remind myself to slow down. To enjoy the every day tasks that sometimes get repetitive. To take the time to do crafts with my daughter and get sunlight on her face daily. To take joy in the dirty diapers, because one day there will be no more diapers. To be patient during the meltdowns, because her feelings are big and that’s a scary thing for her to understand at times. And to take pride in the fact that I am my daughters safe place, and I am the person she feels most comfortable with to express those big uncomfortable feelings.

I am going to be kind to myself and say that it’s okay that my house is a mess. Because what a blessing it is to have a chaotic toddler to make messes. I would always choose this disorganization than having a quiet empty house. To remind myself to be patient when she throws her food on the floor, over and over again. Because let’s face it, there is food that I don’t like and it would be fun to be able to throw it on the floor too if someone was trying to coerce me to try a bite of it.

My to-do list is never ending, but these fast moving moments with my girl that is evolving and growing at the speed of light is. I need to do better at putting things into perspective, because the dishes will always be there, but she won’t always need me to rock her to sleep.

I have been so caught up recently on my goals for the year. My personal business goals, my house organization goals, my fitness goals… blah blah blah, the list goes on and on. But the things that really matter are not my goals or to-do lists at all, but instead my ability to be content in the moment I find myself in. To be serene in the repetitive tasks of daily baths or stacking wooden blocks so that Dove can knock them down over and over and over again.

I will always be a mom. That title of honor is forever branded into my soul, no matter how old my children become. But I will not always be a mom to a toddler. And for the time being, until I give Dove a sibling. I am no longer even currently a mom to a baby.

Today I choose to cherish the tiny hand prints that are smudging every clean window and surface in my house. I’m deciding not to catch up on laundry, because let’s face it, the laundry pile is never going to end. But pushing my daughter around in her Cozy Coupe Car making wild noises will one day. So I’m just going to prioritize playing with her and finding all the ways to get her to giggle.

I encourage you to take some time today to let someone special in your life know how much you love them, because time is a thief and we never know how much of it left we will have. So I’m signing off now so that I can go snuggle on my teething girl, and cherish these fast fleeting moments.